quarter of a century~~

and ya… today marks the 25th year which i was born and wow, i feel that im getting old rite now. (and for all those who keep harping on that your age is still smaller than mine, let me tell this, u are just 2-3 years slower than me, and ive already passed this stage of suaning pple older than me and yea… i got my suaning back.. hahaha!) i guess it really doesnt feel good to see ur age getting larger and larger year after year, haha. but something which i realised as i keep seeing all those kids out there growing to their teen/young adult ages and thinking and behaving that they own the world, i just cant help but to laugh. haha and i think all of us who see those kids acting adult and acting that they been thru all kinds of shit really makes us laugh. (pardon me, cos that is from what i observe from my dota games just now.. wahhahaaha) dun care la!

i guess i feel myself changing A LOT (yes, damn alot) over the past year, from lifestyle to behaviour and even to perceptions of things/events. maybe i should thank my sucky results that brought me to thinking that results do, and certainly affects your potential employers’ opinion in choosing you for their company. that is after i saw myself getting rejected, humiliated and discarded after interviews which got me to thinking that my life won’t be the same as my school days, which we always get a second chance, and we always get a chance to start all over again. i just realised that we often, dun even get A SINGLE CHANCE in the first place. well, thats is just the way of life. and me by saying that doesn’t mean i do agree with this statement, but it is just that sometimes, by simply fighting for your chance will get yourselves repelled, trampled, and in the end, discarded. ‘gg’, as quoted by some of my gaming frens (or simply acquaintances). AND SORRY TO SAY, YOU DON’T OWN THE WORLD, THE WORLD OWNS YOU AND THAT IS WHY YOU ARE HERE, DUMBASS! SO QUITE FEELING THAT THE WORLD OWES YOU SOMETHING, BECAUSE YOU ARE THE ONE WHO OWES THE WORLD EVERYTHING!

i do feel myself doing more things than just slacking/wasting my time away compared to the past. maybe thats just becos i did more OT and i have much less time to myself. but one thing that never changed, is that i still keep in contact with my hall friends (yes, friends) regularly. perhaps i did say before that i do want to engage myself in different cliques in different stages of my life, but i guess that doesnt apply after u graduate or at the time u start work, cos i guess new pple in your circle of friends may not last long or even at all. few would be as trustworthy. reliable and honest as whom you have trusted, relied and confessed with over the years. i dunno about other pple, but i think for myself, i do want to meet up with pple i want to meet up regularly and i do try to make an effort to… (haha maybe what i did was to combine different groups and all meet at the same time!) but ya, i did rite? haha… but then again, i do not have the luxury to meet up every single day with anyone, except maybe colleagues. haha cos i see them more than i see my frens. lol, and sometimes i do feel that its a waste of time to build a new friendship from scratch (ya sometimes, although i do feel that its wrong to think that way, but i really felt so at times…)

spending was never what i anticipated myself to be doing from before i started work. and yea, the tendency to overspend for me seems to be an everyday (weekly maybe.. haha) thing. the urge to buy things seem to grow when i see my bank account rising every month. shit. i guess that is really not a good habit to have… but wait, i just bought myself a birthday gift today, and i bought myself a promotion gift last month… OUCH!! but then again, whatever, cos its my money anyway. and sometimes i feel better when im buy things that i like for myself, rather than other pple buying things that i do not like for me, which is why i really do not like pple buying things for me. (maybe an exception for birthdays, wahahahaha)

most pple think that making wishes during birthdays may make them more achievable, but i dun remember any wish that i made that came true. (seriously, i dun remember any other significant one except the one i will mention later…) maybe its just to give yourselves hope of achieving them, or just some wishful thinking on one’s part. (which i think this relates to me better) i did remember those wishes i made to myself last year, which is 1) to find a job; 2) to be happy. i think 1) is perhaps the only realisable wish that i made. but then again, this got me motivated in my work. cos i waited and prepared sooooo damn long for me to get into that company, and even after hearing things like ‘i want to quit!’ starting from my 2nd week in my job from so many pple around me till now, i was determined to stay. this was even though i got totally thrashed by my manager when i totally screwed up one of my assignments in december and working till 2 am for 2/3 of the week for 6 weeks in a row! (maybe this was nothing, as compared some others in another team) well, different kinds of pain i supposed, so quit whining!

i remembered one thing that got me laughing recently, that is when someone asked me suddenly, ‘why u so social?’ wahahaha! cos from what they observe, i seem to able to be okay and comfy with any new clique which i joined… and come to think about it, maybe i am quite sociable afterall. (wahahaha maybe this is one thing which i did want to change!) i did remember that i was quite anti-social last time. i couldn’t just talk to anyone new, and i couldn’t communicate my thoughts at all. i used to think that no one will understand me and no one would really treat me as a good friend, but maybe my army life did change my perspective towards other pple. simply becos i interacted with pple from all walks of life, in a bad sense.

and lastly, thank you whoever who remembered and wished me through phonecall, sms, msn or facebook. for those who remembered and forgot to wished me, thanks also. and for those who dun remembered, well.. its ok, i understand la… and it will be too late to wish me after today. haha

happy birthday to me.

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