Monthly Archives: September 2007

our world class transport system~~

Transportation

source: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Singapore 

The transportation infrastructure is extremely robust in Singapore. In fact, so labyrinthine is Singapore’s system of underground tunnels that governmental advisories have been issued against excessive foot-stomping and mass gatherings. (See section: Legal System and Judiciary.)

Another interesting thing to note is how Singaporeans take public transport. Over the years, citizens have mastered these ancient arts of seat grabbing, pole hogging and crowding. Research had shown that 80% of all Singaporeans grab seats 2.5 times faster than that of people from other countries. For pole leaning, every 5 support poles in the MRT have 3 Singaporeans hogging almost 95% of the pole’s holding area. The citizens also tend to have an attraction for the nearest exit on the MRT.

If you think the MRT looks similar to the London Underground, you would be correct. It is ‘uniquely Singaporean’, even down to the recording of the same, brainless, British women repeating “Mind the Gap”. One thing very different about the MRT is the money collection scheme. You will pay for your ride, come hell or high water. The MRT trains are very highly energy efficient (after all we are a GREEN CITY). Trains will cut off their air conditioning systems for about 4-5 stations (10-15min traveling time) before resuming for 2 stations (5-6min). This is especially so for the vintage MRTs, the 1st original train which make nice screeching sound when traveling.

Another skill mastered by a typical Singaporean is acting dead, so that if someone heavily pregnant or the elderly is looking for a seat, the typical young Singaporean will promptly doze off, even without the pregnant lady nor the elderly boarding the train, but when not faced with these circumstances. Common things to do on board the public transport system are eating secretly with the art of the Ninja while avoiding the ‘green men on patrol’, blasting music and stretching legs across the carriage, making it seem like those Olympic hurdle courses. A sub-culture of young angry teenagers (fucktwits or si-ginnah or ginnapis) of Singapore is to blast or show off how loud their mp3 capable phones are to the public. Songs played range from US Hippyhop to Taiwanese pop to Jpop to Kimchipop. Not to mention Singaporeans have a tendency to lean on things especially metallic poles(maybe due to lack of pole dancing). They fail to understand what is a grab pole and often misinterpret it as lean pole or sleeping pole. Young kids love them! They tend to twirl and swing around it kicking everyone’s legs and pulling every lady’s skirts,jeans,pants down. They also like to do monkey climb with the hand grips. Singaporeans have also a unexplainable fear of going to the ‘center of the car’. This is most evident during peak hours when the ‘center of the car’ is quite empty while the areas around the exits are packed until everyone is smooching and licking each other’s face,makeup,perfume not to mention Foreign Talents’ hairy armpits (which reeks from medicinal herbs to spices and goat’s milk). There will soon be a new type of dance called ‘center of the car’ dance, meant for people who wanna dance in mrt cabins as there is too much space.

Also, SBS (Si Beh Slow) Transit buses always travel with the speed of a cyclist, and sometimes it will go so slow while approaching the traffic light while it’s green, gaining only a few seconds of speed when the light turns yellow. When the traffic light turns red at that moment,the bus makes a brake so strong that it resembles braking a F1 racing sports car suddenly while in full throttle. SBS Transit’s buses are also often old (their oldest bus is about 190 years old), and may be poorly maintained, with rusty poles and rainwater (which came in through leaky roofs) collecting inside their buses. SBS Buses come with 2 X 100″ HD-III (5760 X 3240) plasma displays with cinematic 20.1 surround sound.

Conversely, SBS Transit’s arch-rival, SMRT’s (say Ass-M-Mati) buses travel at the speed of sound at the bare minimum, in an approach that is designed to set them apart from their arch-rival. This approach has made many fans out of their commuters, who switched to their buses after being pissed off at the way SBS Transit’s buses are driven despite the fact that their buses are commonly infested with cockroaches (and sometimes, Grues), with air-conditioning that mimic Death Valley on hot days and Antarctica on cold ones, and a suspension system that’s guaranteed to either aid in digestion or indigestion, depending on who you ask. Some of their newer buses are even designed by Pininfarina, the same Italian guys that designed the Ferraris, to ensure top performance at high speeds.

Citizens also are equipped with camera phones on public transport system so that they could snap a photo of anyone doing something ‘not meant for public transport’ and send it to the Public Shaming Gallery put up by the Government aka STOMP.com.sg. Ironically, those whom mastered the ninja way of eating secretly on public transport could not fend themselves from the dangerous camera phone welding assasins, mostly ending up with their picture captured while biting on their favourite curry puff.

You have to make at least 3 trips from Point A to Point B and you have the pleasure of using 5 different types of transportation, Walking/LRT/MRT/Buses/Giving up and taking a cab. This is only available in Singapore. You will have to walk for 8 mins out of the North-East Line or need to change to the North-South/East-West lines. This is simply World-class Transportation!!

every year they increase bus and MRT fares and than they go and say that singaporeans are to take more public transport

im falling in love with the sky~~

click on the thumbnails for the full view~~

source: http://www.deviantart.com/