reflecting…

i, in the past, was anti social. becos i felt that being alone myself is enough and to me, the pple around me were just acquaintances. they wont be there to help you when u have problems.

during sch days, the pple in my clique changed every 1-2 years, becos i was in a totally different class every 1-2 years . when i finished PSLE and went to secondary sch, it changes again. i do the same things with every clique i was in. study, eat, play. cos we didnt really bothered to know each other deeper.

i dun go out often with frens, not even to arcade. throughout those days, i was either in sch or i cooped myself at home. i was quite quiet then becos i dun like to talk alot also. thats my nature and maybe that explains why i dun like to socialise.

this remains till i entered the army. and from this point onwards, i met many many types of people from all walks of life. i’ve interacted with ex-convicts, ex-drug abusers, pple with low education, pple with high education, pple who cant speak a proper sentence in mandarin, pple who cant speak a proper sentence in english, pple of other races, pple from other religions, pple who stereotype, etc. i also first tasted the bitterness of loneliness, something which i never experienced before enlistment. i remembered during BMT, i didnt know why, but i felt the need to call someone up to talk. so i took out my phone and i scrolled thru my phoneboo. besides my family members, there was no one i could call. i was stumped for quite long and i asked myself, ‘how have u lived your life for the past 18 yrs? why issit that u have no frens to call to when u need pple to talk to?’

my perception towards other pple changed drastically then. after NS, i chose to stay in hall, away from home again, becos i didnt want to waste another 3 yrs of my life doing nth else but study.

living away from home for the past 4-5 yrs made me realised the importance of frens, even acquaintances. these are the only pple u can depend on when u are alone outside the ocmfort of home. also becos my family cannot be always there for me. although now, i do not have very close frens whom i can pour my heart to, at least it is easier to find company when u need it.

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One response to “reflecting…

  1. cloudie Thursday, 12th October 2006 at 22:06

    arlos~

    chiu can calls mi at any time yeah? or come visit moi den we can talk trash together~

    take care~

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