My vows to you

I, Yongding, affirm my love to you, Qiuting, as I invite you to share my life.
You are the most beautiful and smart girl I have ever met.

And I promise you to love you, to care for you and respect you for the whole life.

With trust, and kindness I will always be with you through good and bad times.

From this day forward, I take you to be my wife.

dash!

been quite some time since i went for a run… tireds i am sia!
should start to jog more often from now on cos after a mere 20 min run, shacked like siao! and my running shoes chui-ed! got to buy a new pair, sianz…

believe

all i can do is to believe and trust… and i will do so…

is it my fault?

perhaps it is… but i dunno anymore…

words hurt…

some things are better left unsaid…

at best

i feel second-best, at best…

every little thing…

every little thing builds up to a fantastic story, only to be broken down slowly by the same little things that form the story…
overdose of the same ingredients may not be the perfect solution afterall…

withdrawn…

5 years down the road…

will i create wonderful memories?
or will i be the wrong choice?

and the peace is disturbed…

am:
– confused
– unable to do anything
– taking things in its stride
– not confiding problems anymore
– feeling disappointed
– not hopeful anymore

100 things to watch in 2011

amazing analysis on trends and upcoming possibilities around the world!

in love with the 50s: La vie en rose – Louis Armstrong

going back in time, appreciating pop music right from its beginning ~

Hold me close and hold me fast
The magic spell you cast
This is la vie en rose

When you kiss me heaven sighs
And tho I close my eyes
I see la vie en rose

When you press me to your heart
I’m in a world apart
A world where roses bloom

And when you speak…angels sing from above
Everyday words seem…to turn into love songs

Give your heart and soul to me
And life will always be
La vie en rose

the pathetic old self of mine

i dun usually write these days, but something is bothering me. it seems so big, so serious, that it could own me anytime. i think im just scared, perhaps with myself. i dun usually trust pple around me, but when i do, i trusted whole-heartedly. i dun usually say out everything, perhaps becos i dun usually think b4 i speak, so i dun wan others to mis understand what i meant. but all these self beliefs are ruining me slowly. as though its a whole big trap that i made myself get into. i began to doubt even my own feelings. i began to fear things, fear changes or even fear myself. and i dunno how to get out.

i recently changed my job, and everything is a whole new fresh start for me. that is when i needed support the most. i sacrificed money for work-life balance. i sacrificed my career progression for more time with my loved ones. and im still scared that the new job might not even be what i wanted. but then there was no turning back. i had to get on, anyhow. things were tough at first but manageable. things were more smooth sailing now, but i still fear something called stagnancy. i fear myself being stagnant in what i do. and i duno what i can do, except to sit through it for now.

relationship has not been the best state so far, and i duno what i can do. its seems as though my fear of losing her is so much that i suppressed this inner fear believing that this will never happen. and i was wrong. i duno what is the best way of salvaging a relationship, becos i never salvaged one b4. what i tot was the best way turned out to be the worst. who can i blame but myself? what i believed that i was putting in my best effort was actually not my best at all. i know i could have done better in the past year, but i duno how to. perhaps i was just dumb. i duno how to please a girl, that’s for sure. all i can give was time, but time alone is not enough, based on the fact that time is short now. from the moment we were together, i believed it can be forever. i think i was simply naive.

all these events within these few months were the worst hit ever since my graduation. and i dun have time to recover at all. i tot i was able to handle stress and emotions well after 3 years of work, but i was wrong. i still cant handle my own feelings. if i am not even feeling secure with myself, i duno how i can give assurance to others. simply a failure who cant stop failing. and typing all these seems like resetting myself to the emotional, pessimistic, pathetic old self of mine which i cant even imagine myself being in such a pathetic and useless state. i really dunno what i can do, besides to have faith in her.

mini updates 2009~~

lol, think i shldnt be just posting mini updates, especially when i stopped blogging for like… 8 months?! well here they are.

a peak went past, which was tiring and tough, as usual, but im getting the hang of it.

promotion didn’t come, kinda expected cos my boss gave me the insider news some 2 months before the announcement, so not too bad a blow i suppose.

many colleagues left the firm, mostly due to the bad news above. not a bad thing though, at least makes them realise what they want in life is not to slog for ungrateful employers.

sei jeong flew back to australia, and there were tears everywhere. wish her all the best.

jiuzhaigou trip in jun’09 was great, especially after peak, and it’s totally an amazing world over there.

family relationships got better, especially after the hk trip in may’09, and definitely will improve more.

friendship among closer friends got a little disrupted though. sigh. drama of life, maybe?

too many things flew past in just a short time span of 8 months, and i do not even have the time to reflect on my actions vs outcomes of those events, not to mention time for any possible regrets. however, one thing which i wont regret was to make her a closer part in my life.

what’s left of 2008?

2008: the year of euro2008, and im glad that another of the teams which i support won again (the previous time was italy winning the world cup in 2006)!! LOL, but i guess this wasnt even important in what i should be remembering from 2008…

i was browsing through my old entries, and i notice that most of the entries i wrote varies in mood, though most are in angry mode. but i guess its just a way of venting frustrations (if you do notice my blog title). i think i did write this before, people have different ways of doing so, and this is my own style, and i dun nag my frustrations to my friends. another thing i realised is that i think im learning how to control my emotions better now. i dun lose focus in my job anymore whenever i feel down. but then again, somehow i feel im losing all my emotions. its just something like numbness. when u slap urself everyday, sometimes u just dun feel the pain anymore when u keep doing so. (this applies to my alarm clock too! when the alarm rings everyday at 7am, slowly u just wont think that its noisy anymore. LOL). i guess i cant open my heart easily now…

2008 was the year of growth and improvement for me. the job gave me opportunities to learn and to prove my worth through crazy late nights working during the last peak period; and there it came, experience and knowledge. i guess the sole purpose for us to work in this line is for knowledge and not for the money, and i guess the economic gloom in 2008 made it worst. we saw again the practical nature of people in this world, where people are sacrifice for the sake of clashes of interests. owners of the company places pressure on the management to control expenses, and why do they want to do that? money. and i guess i should stop complaining about something which none of us in the whole wide world can change, and this topic is a forever on-going problem for ALL of us (just admit it, take away money in your life, what are you left with? dun tell me its your soul!)

inter-personal relationships in 2008 revolve mainly in my office, and i guess i should expand my social circle. i guess things get pretty ugly whenever conflicts occur within the office and these are those times which i feel the office is still not big enough to contain people whom i dun wish to see. be less close with ur colleagues = be less sad when u leave (but i guess it cant apply to me now, cos im just too frenly in office… wahahahhaa)

sometimes, i guess people think im abit too stucked up (i dunno who thinks so, but its just a general feel), maybe due to some negative image which i portrayed in office (i just cant smile all the time la, dey. u think i actor issit!). sorry lor, my fault.. haha. well, i cant be suddenly start smiling at everyone in office rite? and i cant be start talking to everyone all day long leh. i got things to do de lor. im not as free as you think. LOL.

one of my colleagues asked me this suddenly in office, “yd, you are a nice guy. but why aren’t you attached?” LOL, how you want me to answer this? “cos girls think that im not nice?”, “girls think that im just a nice guy, with nothing else?” or “girls dun like nice guys at all?”. sorry to say, i dont fish in office. if you think im doing so, you are so totally wrong…

goodbye to 2008 and if i offended anyone in the last year, too bad then. i dun need to prove what i am to you. LOL…

——————————————————————————————-

and yeah, so this is it! my list of resolutions for the year (not in any order of importance, and im lazy to arrange in alphabetical order):

  • spend more time with family
  • survive in current job (specifically, the peak period)
  • find a better job (after surviving, haha)
  • save $300 more per month (very unlikely though, haha)
  • spend less (so as to fulfill the previous reso)
  • be more positive in all areas
  • start training for ippt (LOL)
  • pick up a new sport (LOL x 2)
  • lose a bit of my fats (LOL x 3)
  • fulfill at least 50% of all the resolutions for 2009 (crap!)

let’s see how many of these can i achieve by 2009. haha

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.